Sam Adams, Porch Rocker
So why does this bottle of Sam Adams Porch Rocker beer have a bag over its head? Why do you think?
Remember way back in high school… I mean college when you had just turned 21. Remember Zima? Yeah, that. Imagine someone drank a lot of Zima, then grew up and wanted to make a beer that tasted like it. Yes, that’s a strange idea, but you can’t stop people from doing silly things. Like face tattoos.
Better yet, imagine a mild but acceptable beer had ‘maritals’ with a glass of off-brand country-style lemonade drink. Their child would be this beer. Not bad. Not actually bad. Just not… good.
I take that back. I’m going to hazard a guess that if you’re at the beach on a hot day, with sunblock smeared all over your sizzling skin, and you pop open a frosty bottle of Porch Rocker, you’re going to make those nom-nom-nom, lip smacking sounds of satisfaction. You might put the empty bottle in your neighbor’s recycling bin when you’re done, but that’s probably for the best.
If you drink this beer and you like this beer, I’m not judging. Really, I’m not. You have to drink what you like. And you have to like what you drink. It got a rating of 79% on BeerAdvocate.com, and a 39 on rateBeer.com (basically averaging 2.94 out of 5.0). So some people thought it was acceptable.
As for Zima and the like, a lovely term has been kicking around – malternatives. Nothing like beer, except in the eyes of a noob.
P.S. Looking or a good read? Try this article: The Long, Slow, Torturous Death of Zima